is china going to nuke us?

Every time I turn the television on, I always hear news about the increasing tension between China and our country over Scarborough shoal and Spratlys Islands. I think it's about time every Filipino should become aware of this. I know people would say this would pass but I don't think it's getting any better. The China had been in this kind of situation many times before when it tried to get the islands near Japan, its border war with India and Mongolia and its claim of Taiwan. As far I know China had also been a nuisance to US through stealing their military technology in 1996. In a nutshell they've been there and done that, and there's a slim chance for us to get away with these islands.

If we're going to resolve this diplomatically, there's a big chance we would win following the international law of economic zone. China never agreed on that matter. It only means hook or by crook, they will get these islands. It's funny how the Philippines bought a warship from US. They said they will use this for protection of our maritime. However taking a glimpse of what military power China has is ridiculous. Given we bought a ship from another country only entails war. And for cow's sake, we will not stand a minute from them.

China has been exercising military force with Russia and our country with US. Does that mean an imminent war is coming? Ikr, we're doomed.

purpose

I don't know so far if this is going to work out or not anymore. I think I might have to close my other blog. It seems like it doesn't serve the purpose I wanted blogging should be. Or what blogging has to be. When you compose a sentence that doesn't mean anything from you, it doesn't really equate the reason why you posted it. Why it was written all along. I hate myself for expecting too much from me. I hate that I don't know what else to write next. I've always wanted to put my heart on it but it's always about me getting a good impact from readers. That is why I would like to post more often here than Solitary Outbreak. Here I could share stuffs and facts about me. I don't need to pretend a life I don't really live. Its hard for me to let go a blog that I loved for so many years. I decided not to close it for sentimental reason. I would leave the memories open. Although I am not certain of that. It's just a gush of feeling for a moment. 

For Registered Nostalgia, nice meeting you.

wroikng with indesign

i am definitely having a major problem between photoshop and indesign. i have lived with photoshop for the past two decades and now i'm trying hard to make some changes here. i don't wanna go to the publisher again with the same set of psd files and them trying tediously to transfer them page by page to indesign. i felt dumb to them saying excuses that photoshop is  all i know. i'm tryin' to figure out how's this going to work. i am new with indesign cs4. the working scheme seems familiar as it is quite similar to photoshop but there's a bunch more features that needs working with. damn i need help. this is one big drawback when you're the only layout artist in your publication; everything is on to you. in all seriousness, i need someone better than me.

i have problems with layers. indesign cs4 doesn't rely on layers which i'm basically deft at. since there is absence of layers functionality, i don't think i could come up with the effects the way i do with photoshop. so i decided to do the designing in photoshop but the problem is getting it transferred to indesign. you cannot not just drag and drop it because they are entirely different in application and basic principles with layers. yeah, because ps works with pixels and id works with picas and so on and so forth. you have to save it out in jpeg first before you can import it in indesign. in that sense, there is no way you could further do modifications afterwards like if want to change small details, etc.

i still have to get a grip of indesign. i am acting like this because i want to be in a comfortable spot when i'm down doing the layouts like i was with photoshop. maybe indesign has its wonders too. this next issue's going to be a garrote.

i need an inspiration

i change the theme of my other blog. it's a new look with a new header and stuff. i changed it to my thought that it would give me a clear mind to write new things and give me some inspiration. however, i am still blank. i want to write something so badly that is out of my creative mind. not this kind of writing because what i write here is basically kiddish rants.

i want to write something mysterious, catchy, something based on experience, something fiction but true to life, and something unrealistically fictitious. i want to play with words like i never had tried doin'. my mind is located somewhere i could not find. if it were in a different dimension, i would travel across black holes and swim through vortexes just to find it. now i'm starting to suck. please, pull the trigger on me.

i was fire burning on the tiled floor

i went swimming the other day and i hate to say i'm sunburned. my nose incurred the most devastating effects of uv rays as it looks like it was pinched very hard. good thing i had my shirt because shirtless could only do more damage. i am not particularly sensitive to my skin but my skin is. off all the people i have gone with in that swimming, we were just swimming almost the same time, only me turned out like this. i'm white, maybe that could shed some light on. what i mean is, basically my melanin count is lesser than anyone which means i received the most damage from ultraviolet.

did you know that if you have incurred more than five sunburns from childhood to present, you have a greater risk of developing melanoma? i read that in one of the articles online and i was dumbfounded by the time i realized that i already had two sunburns. and i am just three sunburns away from death. so next time someone invites me to go swimming, i'd put lots of sunblock or i'd rather suggest overnight.

i heard someone says that sunburns in beaches are less severe from sunburns you get in swimming pools. the woot? i was kinda hesitant to believe that since you get the same uv exposure. i am not buying into that statement unless someone would clarify otherwise that salt water has better coating on skin than uber chlorinated water. it's just so hilarious to think of that.

sorry, but i hate instagram

i hate instagram and all other one-click-get-result applications. it's killing me because a lot of people get good pictures easy without taking the hard part. it's like if you do something about photoshop and makes good result out of it, people would no longer be amazed as they were because they know they can also do it for instance, in instagram. i mean these applications burn up the essence of creativity, talent and, knowledge. now, those effects and filters you seldom see before on pictures are just fycking, well, run-of-the-mill. i'm not braggin' myself for knowing photoshop, i know it will eventually come down to this. i know photoshop is just the same as any other softwares, only more complicated. it's just that i hate it. and i know many would hate me for that.

he doesn't have the guts to say

last night i lost myself. i was carried away with my emotions. and i promise myself that hopefully my words would not get any more repulsive than that. jeez, the internet's so sluggish today. idk, it's supposed to be flying because i know most people are in recess, partying on beaches. (ok, that kinda rhyme) but seriously, my provider is going nuts.

i have a promise to you that i would share this convo i had with this guy. he replied and i retorted too but i think we're done, it just stopped there. here it is...

his username was naziZOMBI3. he's from wisconsin, us. and he has been falling for his best friend. he just cannot admit to his buddy about how's his feeling for him. that it's getting more profound than friends. however his buddy who we assume that is is a bisexual as well, tries to be manly (a bully in other terms) to him where in fact, he could not admit to himself that he's a fag too. very interesting. mind you guys, you're reading is going to be long.

naziZOMBI3: 

No, I'm not sure if he is gay or not. He knows that I am bi and that I like him and has continued to be my friend for years now. But recently there has been more tension between us and he started calling me a fag and a homo and does it nonstop. None of my other friends even bring it up but he always brings up my sexuality. He acts really girly and always makes gay jokes. I'm just sick of him calling me a faggot and telling me faggots should all be killed when I do everything for him. I'm ready to tell him I'm fuckin in love with him and he can go fuck off for crushing my hopes and dreams. He makes me feel like i'm worthless all because I don't act as much as a man as he thinks he does. I know he doesnt' mean the things he says to me because he always wants to be around me, I think hes gay and is hurting me because hes scared to fall in love with me. I love him but I can't do this much longer. Hes killing me when i'm just trying to make him happy. tomatosandwich:

Sorry for the late reply, I didn't notice you pm-ed me right away. Okay, I feel you mate. There are bunch of things people have to understand with us bisexuals and it's hard like hell to always hide our feelings. So do you have any proof that he's gay or not like have you ever regard any signs that he's bi before what he has been doing to you now? There must be anything. It could help you understand more of his sexuality. Worse comes to worst, you have to confront him. It's now or never mate. And it's nothing like you would lose something when you speak to him. Everyone knows you're bi. What are you cowed of? So be man enough and ask him what he's feeling towards you. Good luck mate. You could tell me more if you want.

naziZOMBI3:

Well for one thing, he acts like he hates gay ppl so much but he calls me everyday. He doesn't even talk to girls much anymore except maybe to get laid every now and then. But he has me over at his house everyday and we hang out all day long I even stay the night sometimes. Usually he doesn't even let me even pat him on the back or touch him at all but there are exceptions. Like one time he took something of mine in front of a girl and we were messin around I was trying to get it back. So I grabbed his hand and licked it to try to get him to drop it. He just giggled and kept tryin to get away from me. She was even like omg u guys are weird and laughed. And one time we were kinda fighting a lil and when we were out of breath I sat down on the couch and he sat down right next to me and was leaning against me and we looked at each other. Its like we are both scared. But I never make any moves really cause he calls me a faggot and tells me he isn't gay. Hes soo confusing I have no idea if he is or not. tomatosandwich:

I have a strong feeling that he's positive. Let's try to make sense of his actions here. A real straight guy would not let himself get close to a person he knows homo or in your case bisexual. Because they do know for sure we could get smitten by them any time or become sexually attracted to them. Given the fact he knows you well, he should have at least avoided getting very close to you. But in contrary, he even asks you EVERYDAY to come over at his place. Also, a guy leaning against another guy and making eye contact is a no! no! Straight guys would throw up by just imagining that. You know what, maybe he's still in a stage of denial. He can't think of ways how to deal with it so he's acting manly to you. That is how I see it. Take a little more time and see how things gonna be. He might not be ready to come out yet. But I'm telling you, there's no any harm in trying that you confront him earnestly. Just wait for the right moment. I wish you all the best. Update me if anything happens. I'll be willing to be of someone to give advice.

naziZOMBI3: 

Thanks for the advice. Thats exactly what I was thinking. He knows I care about him more than anything. He likes having me around because he knows I love him and that I take care of him. Thats how it is too, I spend money on him and shit and he cooks food for me. Hes just like a girl. He'd rather spend time with me than any other friend too. He barely talks to girls anymore, but he calls me everyday even tho theres a few girls that like him. We even talk about how we want to get an apartment and a car so we could drive around and also so we'd have a place to hang out besides our parents houses. Friends slept over at his house on friday night and the other 2 stayed in a different room but he told me i could sleep in his room with him, even tho it was on the floor I didn't mind, I was happy he let me stay with him in his room. I really do think he is gay but I will respect him until he wants to come out.

tomatosandwich: (okay i was lying about my experience.)

I think he has his way of coming out to you and I commend you for giving him time with that. My experience was a bit complicated than yours but my relationship with him went easy since we both understand each other. It was complicated in a way because I had to break up with my girlfriend (we've been for 2 years). It wasn't easy to me same with her because we definitely still had feelings for each other when we broke up. She put me in a situation where I had to choose between the guy or her. But he weighed more than her. I was so in love with him and I know he wasn't just a passing fancy. So we're happy now and I never regretted choosing him over her. You know what, he's so lucky to have you and I hope he's really aware of that. I don't wanna think any negative right now on how he has been acting to you recently. But you should not fully get your hopes up mate. Our assumption of him being bi/gay COULD be wrong. Just so you won't get hurt real bad if ever something turns out opposite of what you expected. Because there might be other reasons why he wants to hang out with you. Well, just stick around. Try showing him more motives (could be a hug) that you like him, something that would make him think or convince him.

naziZOMBI3:

I just get sick of how he acts. Like yesterday, he invited me over and our other 2 friends were there too. He kept calling me his bitch and telling everyone he wishes I would kill myself. But at the same time he was kinda ignoring everyone else and me and him were playing cards with each other. They ended up leaving because they were bored because me and him were just talking to each other and not them. Like I know he doesn't mean it because when it came time to go he was like, "Dude you should give me a call tomorrow and we can hang out okay." But if I tell him I don't like how he talks to me he gets mad and says we always talk shit to each other and if I was his friend I wouldn't always think hes being serious. Idk if hes manipulating me anymore or what but when he tells me he wishes I woudl kill myself it makes me not wanna talk to him. I'm just sick of his shit already, I'm tired of him thinking he can treat me like this and i'm just gonna forgive him because I like him. tomatosandwich:

Okay, never mind for a while what I told you about sticking around with him. You see, he gets mad when you try to decline his invitation to his place and he's being a bully to you. Why don't you try let's say a week or so you become cold to him. like don't show up when he invites you over, don't answer his calls or texts, try to be a little elusive to him. In that way if he gets serious about you not talking to him (because probably he realized how important you are), you can bring up what you wanted to say. For sure it's going to be a one heart felt dialogue. But for instance he acts the same way, he's not in any chance wants to get into you because he let you slip like that. I swear to you mate, try this or else think of anything that would make a change.

damn, i'm starting to get dull with our conversation. good thing he didn't reply anymore. but of course, i wanna say it again, i am remarkably jealous of him.

shoot yourself dead

i am starting to get really exasperated with this person who added me up on facebook. well, i don't give a crap if we went to the same school in high school. he's ahead of me like 2 years, scrap that, 3 years because i was delayed a year in college. thing is, he keeps on posting things like nobody a guy or anyone should be posting. he posted a picture of him playing basketball with his red old grisly jersey like a blimp who almost looked like pudge in a video game. he shot himself going for a lay up. he shot himself eating donuts from krispy kreme. he shot himself drinking a coffee from star bucks. he shot himself with his granny. he shot some kfc's he bought. he shoots himself everyday sporting a pose like a fat gay nerd with a thumbs up. i mean come on you freak'n douche bag you can do any better than that. i bet he has a photo of him wanking his tiny weener too that he hides in his granny's drawers. he should keep his pictures private. he's flooding the news feed the entire time and i will definitely unsubscribe from him. otherwise, i was thinking of unfriend-ing him but that would be too vile of me.

worst of all? this dickhead eic we have apparently keeps on nagging me about the covers. he's dying to get his covers while he can't do his job properly.

he gave me the settings for the mag whereas i'm the one introduced him that when he was just starting. he feels like a smart ass to me and i'm sick of it. of course i know it you dumb. i've been this org's layout for 2 years just so you fucking know, dipshit!

fool me april slash a convo with someone

in behalf of april fool's day, what did i do? no nothing happened. i've been only fooled once because she's the only one who i had talked to yesterday. she texted me (and i pity myself because i know it's a group message) that she was pregnant. so gullible i was, i fell for that easily. nothing so special. i hate it because nothing's going on in my life something new. really, nothing interesting or something i have to be excited about when i wake up every morning. will someone stab me right through my heart already?

all i do is to feign my identity in golivewire. talk to people with the same bisexual gender as i am. ohhh by the way, i'll be posting a convo with a bi person who happens to be smitten with his best friend. but his friend as far as our assumption goes, is bi too based on everything he told me. he's from wisconsin, united states. i replied on his post to which he marked as anonymous. to my surprise, he sent me a private message and it has been going a long way. i'm still waiting for his response and hopefully this could be our last. i am really trying to be of help to him but i'm running out of words especially that i haven't been in such a dilemma. honestly, i envy him for having that experience. i mean, at least he has someone.

i'll post our parley tomorrow when i receive his last message. however, i receive it or not, it would still be posted here.

my girlfriend left me no choice

Remember about the forum I was talking about on my previous post? Golivewire? So I had this topic opened and made a question that I know many would get into. It got so many good and upholding responses which made me reprehensible because the topic I made wasn't true. I was just going in for something to talk about. Well, I deeply show my gratitude to those people who gave their advice. Who knows, I might got myself into this kind of situation in the future or for people who have been having the same problem. Here are very good comments about the topic below.

---golivewire---

tomatosandwich: My girlfriend left me no choice. She put me in a difficult situation where I had to choose between her and the other guy. So we broke up since I loved the guy more than her. She never knew I was bi until the incident. Tomorrow I'm gonna talk to her and apologize to whatever I've done wrong. I keep thinking of her. We've been together for two years. I know its my fault. So shoot me now.

sequelmc: Damn dude, you left her for a dude.

Napster the Hacker: you are a bad bf, what makes u think it wont happen again with the guy?
which one do you prefer? I got 9mm beretta, sword off shotgun and a desert eagle.

tomatosandwich: @sequel: I know right. I have thought of it several times. I was really waiting for a chance to tell her but she got me cornered.

PBScott: It's called monogamy, and it is very common. You already made your choice, so get over it. Trust me she is hurting far more than you. You can apologize all you want, but she will still be in an unhappy situation until she moves on.

tomatosandwich: @PBScott: Im fucked as hell. My conscience's killing me. I just don't know what do right now.

ScoobieDoobie: HAHAHAHAH THIS is why I don't date bi dudes.
I would be damned if a guy left me for some dick in the ass.
She probably will never talk to you again. I mean, what girl would? you left her for a guy... she must be ruined. Like now, the next guy won't want her because he'll think she is soo awful, she turns guys gay.... ohh man, buddy. you shouldn't have been fooling around behind her back.

Lord of the blings: So who do you love more?
Maybe you still love the guy more, but you're just feeling some post breakup guilt.
Or maybe you realized that the grass is not greener on the other side and this guy was just a passing fancy.

ScoobieDoobie: Either way... He's fuuucked.

tomatosandwich: Thank you guys for your responses. So I'm trying to reach her but she never accepts any of my calls or texts. I haven't also seen her in her usual spots. I think I need to give her some time to everything that happened. F*ck! I'm guilt-ridden for being such a pussy that I should have told her earlier. But of course I don't regret what I did since it was all because of him.

the raven: Listen. She is hurt for several reasons.

First of all, you cheated on her. That will hurt anyone. I think you understand that.

Second, though, and more importantly, you kept something about yourself from her. Something very serious about who you are. You were together for a while, and probably, to her, it felt like you should be able to tell her anything. The fact that you didn't bother to do that, to not even talk to her about your feelings, probably upset her.
In a way, that was more a breach of trust than the cheating. You couldn't even confide in her something that serious and close to you, so was she ever really that important? That is how she'll feel. That's how she'll view it.

TragicPerfection: You know what you did was wrong, so I'm not going to nag you about it. However, I'm going to try to offer up some decent advice....
On top of being heart broken, her self esteem is probably very hurt. She probably feels betrayed as well as feeling as if something is wrong with her.

I think, you should send/give her one heart felt apology and during that apology, you need to let her know that it was nothing about her, nothing she did wrong; that your prefrence just happens to be of the male persuasion. Let her know how deeply sorry you are, don't tell her you love her, tell her you care about her, but do NOT say you love her. Because, you don't in the sense she would take it in. Let her know if she ever needs anything, you will always be there for her as a friend.

Maybe, to help her out, you both can say that you just wanted to break it off because you grew apart or just didn't have feelings for each other anymore, so she doesn't have to deal with the speculation of "Oh, he left her for another dude, what's wrong with her?"
Heck, even if she wants to tell everyone she broke up with you, let her, it's not that big of a deal, especially if you're happy.

After you two decide what to do and after you apologize and say everything you need to say, don't contact her again, unless she contacts you. You can even tell her that if you want.

Also, it's natural to think of her, you were with her for two years. But, your feelings belong to someone else now, don't they? You're always going to think of her, she was apart of your life for two years.

---golivewire---

Okay, this is how far it went through. I really love these people. They know how to put themselves in your shoes and offer some advice. I laud the person who last posted. All I can say is that she's a good person. I was touched by her reply.

FYI, most them are straight female. How did I know that? It's indicated below their postst what sexual preferences they have along with the country they're in. I put mine, male bisexual.

fyck the publication

this isn't getting any better. remember i told you the eic asked me to get started with the covers? yes he wants an output already. and i haven't checked it out yet because i know it shouldn't be our top priority. we don't have our theme yet in the first place. fyck him right? he wants something done in a jiffy but i know once i gave it to him he's gonna set it aside. he's that kinda of an editor-in-chief who don't map out things right in order. it is so hard to be a layout artist because once they've done their editing (which is really not difficult because the final edit goes to our adviser, the eic i suppose is just a puppet eic so he don't have to be grammatically perfect)  all articles jump to me. i think layouting is more difficult than writing. without a good layout, ordinary people (people who don't give a sheeeet to boring articles) won't find much interest in their reading. and that is proven. sometimes like for worst students, they dump the news-mag in trash like they ain't care.

didn't i tell you that paul should be replaced. he just graduated and obviously he could have turned his position beforehand but he didn't. now everyone's on vacation so how could we move on. i gotta feeling he don't want to give up his position yet. maybe he wants to have his last issue before letting go. so i told our associate *a little evil advice* that she should act now. i mean she was our eic before. just for the mean time while this paul is in jet lag with his psychobabble.

i heard they're planning of having the election this coming semester. are they out of their minds? this sem's going to be a blast. i can't afford to ditch my academics for this. i'm the only layout artist left and fyck that.

i gotta go. see yah!

sidepost: slater won the pbb title 'big winner' last night. we know from the start he's gonna dive right into it. he's competitive, he has this changing aura to people, he's a leader no doubt and he's smart. he deserves the title. can't wait to watch the next season.